I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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