Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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