You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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