dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
