All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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