My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
