Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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