Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
