Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
