The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Can I color on your dick again?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
