i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
