I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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