i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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