she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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