I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
