I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
They have beer where we have blood.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
