Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
