We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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