Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
