booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
