I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
