she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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