I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize