I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
