About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
