every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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