You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
