im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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