I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Randomize
