I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
