just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
