I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
