And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
