i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
