the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
