Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
