Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
