I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We're too hungover to prance.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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