Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
