I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
