Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize