ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
