How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
