She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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