You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
