i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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