I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize