Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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