Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
