And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
