Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
