you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
