so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My breasts were aching with rage.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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