Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
