Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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