As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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