I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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