Whod you bang
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize