The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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