I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
