he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
