how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
