I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
