Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize