I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
