Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
