Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
