thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
