Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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