Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
