Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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