he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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