youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
