I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
