I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
