then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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