I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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