I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
