Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can't turn off my feet"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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