If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
