So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
