sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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