Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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