she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
