Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
false alarm, still single
Randomize
